I haven’t written a blog entry in a few weeks, and guess why? The waves have been consistently big, fun and just plain surfable! Oh, and I also went back to work, so squeezing in surfing and working has been top priority. When I go out in big surf now I often think back to the pre-child days. I was more fearless, spent many hours out in the water, and life was of course more carefree overall. Although it’s finally starting to fade a bit, ever since having children I seem to have this veil of caution thrown over me during life’s activities. For example, I find that I’ve become a very defensive driver. Don’t those other drivers know what precious cargo I have in my vehicle?! Don’t they know that the little swerve into my lane almost gave me a heart attack? In the car is also where my sons have learned that I sometimes curse like a sailor, and my excuse is that the kids’ lives are at stake. On the other hand, I’ve learned how to literally juggle while driving. Like when I open a snack bar for my sons and throw it to the back seat, all without taking my eyes off the road, and with about a 90% catch success rate by my kids.
Here’s what hit SoCal a few weeks ago, and tested my scaredy-catness:
Out in the water I have this little nagging feeling that I really shouldn’t do anything risky, like drop in too late on a wave, or take the biggest set wave, because if I die my kids will grow up motherless. These thoughts are totally ridiculous and illogical, but they have existed for me ever since giving birth to my first son. Luckily, now that my kids are a tiny bit less dependent on me (like not attached to me, breastfeeding) I find myself taking some risks again. It’s not that I think they would be fine without me, but the fact that they are less vulnerable than they were as babies makes me feel a little less vulnerable too. Now what has this meant for me these past few weeks? It’s meant that I’ve gone out on the biggest days and actually dropped into a few waves. Not the absolute biggest ones, and not without that tiny nagging feeling of the need to survive, but I’ve had some fun rides on bigger than normal SoCal surf. I was also fortunate enough to paddle out with friends and my husband, so there’s that confidence boost that comes with having loved ones in the water with you. I hope you’ve caught some waves too, and here’s to fun surf and surviving to surf (and mother) another day 😉